Love Articles 4u -2

Advice For Women

Every woman desires a man with whom she will live in love and bliss forever. For winning over the heart of their dream man, women need to know about what men expect from the relationship
. Women also have to be more careful in dating and selecting their partner. This section gives clues and hints about how to win in the game of relationships, how to find out if he is Mr.Right and how to live with a man in harmony after marriage.


1.Establishing Boundaries In Relationships - Part 1

A boundary is different from an agreement. You don’t need the other person to agree to your boundaries. They don’t even have to know what your boundaries are, unless they are crossed. Your boundary is something, that you know, if that line is crossed, you will address the matter immediately so that it is remedied, and if it is not resolved to your satisfaction, you will act by removing yourself from the situation so that you are not subjected to it again.

An example:

Say there is a woman named Marjorie, who has often been lied to in past relationships. They were big lies. It gives her great pain, remembering this. She knows that lies are not something she can tolerate in relationships. She hates the feeling of distrust, and the betrayal that lies cause in the relationship.

She enters a new relationship. They are in love. One day though, he says a small lie because he’s afraid that if he tells the truth it will hurt her. This is common — the well-intentioned lie. But she finds out and she is very hurt and upset, and she doubts now that she can trust other things he says, and she doesn’t like that feeling. This is not what she wants in a relationship. She wants absolute mutual trust.

But fortunately, she decided ahead of time what she would do if someone lied to her again. She decided that if she was told any big lie, such as her partner was covering up an affair, or drinking and hiding it, or being dishonest with money… that she would end the relationship immediately, with no negotiation. That is her signal to leave now, before it gets worse.

In the second part of this article we will discuss more about boundaries in a relationship.

2.Establishing Boundaries In Relationships - Part 2

In the first part of this article we explored the boundaries we should draw in any relationship. We discussed about a woman called Marjorie and how she drew boundaries. Let us discuss ahead-

Marjorie decided that she would not tolerate any lying. That was her decision. She has extra strength because she decided it beforehand, when the matter was still theoretical and not personal and emotional. For someone else, they might have a different boundary for lying, and that’s okay, too. If their partner never lies, then the boundary never comes up, only if it is needed.

But something that is VERY IMPORTANT TO NOTE:

She is the one who has decided her limit, and has taken this important matter out of mutual decision. She knows that others, if they are not honest and respectable, will not make a decision in her best interests. In these cases, she won’t let herself be persuaded or manipulated to stay in a relationship that hurts her, because her decision is clear. She knows that for her, she would rather be alone, and would rather give up someone she loves, if they cannot be honest. She knows breaking a relationship with a liar, would in the long run, leave her happier in life. She has taken back her personal power by getting clear on her boundaries, and the consequences of violating them.

Those who draw their own rules and boundaries in arelationship are not hurt as badly as those who do not draw boundaries. If Marjorie does not draw boundaries and is lied by her partner she will think about many options in the relationship and may talk to few friends about what to do. She will operate from weakness. But once she has drawn her boundaries she does not allow anybody to violate them and always remains strong.

3.Why Do You Have A Partner?

From what one reads in forums on relationships
, it seems that most of the relationships manage to give more pain than joy after some time. The rise in divorce rates is an indicator to this. Why have relationship if that will give more pain than pleasure to both the partners? Do not you also ask this question? It is becoming so difficult to keep a healthy relationship that one feels that he/she is coming from one office to another office. Where is the home with freedom, acceptance and love?

Relationships are becoming ego problems. Communication needs to be guarded. Wishes have to be taken care of. Sacrifices have to be made. Individuality has to be killed. Compromises have to be made at every step. Even after making many compromises, the relationship may break. One feels broken after making so much effort and find that nothing was of any use. It seems that either most of us are getting caught up with wrong partners or the break-ups occur very fast.

When I watch children playing, birds flying and fish swimming so carelessly, I envy them. We adults have lost all the freedom because of relationships. Most of us at least have lost a lot that was individual. Why have relationships if they are expected to fail. Is it triumph of hope over reality as someone said? Even when we look around and find so many broken relationships, we tend to form new. After having repeated break-ups, we want more. Why do we do that, though we know that the result is more pain? What drives us to form new relationships? Why not live alone and enjoy the independence?

4.Romantic Feelings

Romance, the eternal subject for most of the poets. Romance, the life giving force. Romance, that changes perceptions and romance makes a dull night a night of poetic thoughts. Romance turns an ordinary flower into a lover’s gift to be preserved forever. Romance produces letters that are saved for generations. Romance makes everything look happy and cheerful.

Romantic feelings change perception. One who had never thought of reading a poetry, begins writing one. That is romance. One who is in romantic love, will have no complaints with the world. Even if the traffic does not move for hours, the romantic lover excuses everyone. That is romance.

Romance changes the way we look at the world. We see only good and every bad thing becomes either good or tolerable for us. Romance makes us magnanimous in thoughts. Romantic feelings make us sit alone and live in our own dreams. We need no one except ourselves to enjoy the thoughts of our romance. We want to be left alone and feel total peace and joy. During romance, every lip smiles, and every eye shines with the light of love.

Romance brings a new God in our life. Our beloved. Some romantics are ready to kiss the place where his/her sweetheart stepped. Romance is to be experienced and not talked about. Romance brings more hormonal changes in body than any medicine and has a definite effect on the heartbeats. They increase at the thought of the beloved. That is romance and to be in romance is to experience the joy of heaven.

There are many emotions and most of us experience all of them except romance. Emotions such as anger, nervousness, sadness and others like these are experienced by all of us. But few experience romance. There is a popular story in India of two romantic lovers. Laila and Majnu. Laila was the princess and Majnu was the son of a washerman. Once, it so happened that Majnu’s father asked him to deliver clothes to the palace. There Majnu happened to see Laila and he fell madly in love with her. Since that day, he forgot everything including food, and was only asking for Laila. Some days passed, and this news that Majnu had gone mad in love with Laila reached the king. The king asked his Prime Minister about what could be done to help Majnu in this distress. The Prime Minister suggested that if Majnu wanted to buy anything from any shop, he could buy it for free. The palace would pay to the shopkeeper.

This news brought in many new Majnus. They bought things and behaved like the original. The palace started getting bills in plenty. The king was more worried now and again consulted his Prime Minister. The suggestion was simple - declare that Majnu will be killed after seven days by the palace. This announcement made all the actors run away for their life. Only the original Majnu was left out. He had no care for his life.

This made king think again and he got Majnu married with Laila. Majnu got Laila because he wanted nothing except her. His own life was worthless for him. What mattered was only Laila. This is romance.

5.Men Also Get Abused By Women

Emotional and physical abuse is believed to be only for women. Men are the abusers and women the victims. Do not women abuse men? Yes they do get abused and mercilessly. A woman can be brutal when it comes to blames and accusations. She can invent many lies and kill the soul of the man with every sentence she speaks. She may not abuse the man physically, but her emotional abuse may be enough to drive a man to lunacy.

I do not know why the abuse is considered to be prerogative of men? Is it because they are considered the stronger sex? What about emotional strength? Some men are very soft and especially when they deal with a woman, they act more softly. The woman wants to abuse the man will have no such compunctions. She can raise her voice, she can use crying, she can corner the man with all her blames because she wants to hurt him. She succeeds because a good man will not retaliate.

There is no help for men who get emotionally abused by women. They do not want to hurt the woman so they keep taking all the abuse. Let me add something here. Women on who their men have greatest faith do most abuse. So when the woman turns a abuser, the first reaction of the man is total disbelief. This surprise continues for a long time, because the man continues foolishly believing that her woman is getting it wrong. She is not abusing him. She cannot do that because she loves him. This thinking process is very dangerous. Evil recognizes no sexual difference. If a man can be evil, so can be a woman.


6.Good Relationships Accelerate Your Growth

A relationship means two people connecting with each other - In profit and in loss, in pleasure and in pain. In a relationship, we know that we have somebody with us. We are not alone. A relationship can be life giving and life changing.

Many times in our life, we want to achieve some goals. We have our dreams and our ideas. We never reveal them to anyone. But if we relate to somebody very well, we will tell about this to that person. If our relationship is good, we will get support and encouragement. Please go ahead. I think you are very intelligent and you can do this. You have the capability. I will be with you at every step.

Sometimes, we fall sick and feel very helpless. A prolonged sickness affects the confidence. Only a relationship supports us at that time. Please have no worry. You will get all right. Everything will be Ok very soon. Please believe me. I am with you at all the times. Words can give life.

I can give many examples like these. A relationship gets us a friend
, a lover and a confident. When we have a partner, we are not alone. We can open ourselves without fear. We can act as we wish and believe that it will be understood. A good relationship is invaluable. Many times some of us never realize our strength. Our partner points that out to us and tells us - darling, you are so good in this. Why not progress further. You will perform fantastically. This can change our outlook and enhance our self-esteem. Please increase the intimacy and make your relationship of the kind that gives life its true joy.